“As those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, ... bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.” Colossians 3:12–13

I'm sure we can all recall either past or recent experiences of being hurt so deeply that you feel trapped by the pain of the loathesome memories. Living with the memories of the offense feels like you're locked in a stone fortress. Roaming the dark hallways, you search for an escape from the looming images of betrayal that flashes all over the walls. Thank the Lord that he has provided us a way out—the way of forgiving. You long to break through the bitterness, to normalize your relationships not only with man, but also with God, because we know all too well that we've been asked by Him to forgive others their debts as He has forgiven us. However part of you seeks vengeance. In anger, you yearn to hurt your offender for hurting you. To even the score. Holding onto unforgiveness only results in you living as a prisoner of pain, shut away in this lonely, desolate place. Studies have shown that harboring unforgiveness and grudges hurts us even physically, especially the stomach, more than anyone else. How then can we be freed from this self-imposed prison?

Forgiveness begins with a conscious decision on our part. You must decide that you've been locked up in the house of tortured bitterness long enough. Now it's time to leave for good, to pack your bags, and set out for a new home. Your decision to forgive must by leaving the fortress of unforgiveness and padlock the door with a bullet-proof, pick-proof padlock then throw away the key for the padlock into the ocean.

Forgiveness can't happen until you cancel the debt that is owed you. What are the unfulfilled pledges you hold on to? Maybe you invested in a lasting friendship, and your friend turned around and back-stabbed you. Perhaps your offender did not keep his/her promises to you and betrayed your trust. Or someone may have said or done something that offended you either intentionally or inadvertently. Forgiveness requires that you cancel the debt owed. The process of forgiveness requires you to release the person into God's hands. At the same time, release the anger and pent-up resentment to God and trust Him to handle justice toward your offender (Rom 12:18–19). It is not easy to forgive the debts others owe us; however, we need to spend some time to draw near to our righteous Judge and consider how does God respond to those who have sinned against Him? King David recorded His experience:

“The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.

He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
(Ps. 103:8–12)

The paramount display of God's heart of forgiveness is shown clearly at the Cross. There, as men crucified the Son of God, Jesus responded, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing” (Luk 23:34). His heart toward us is exactly the same, for “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. . . . While we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son” (Rom 5:8, 10). Through Christ, He has canceled the debt we owed Him (Col 2:14). God's forgiveness extends to the worst offenders and to anyone who wishes to receive it — not because of who we are, but because of who He is. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 Jn 1:9) Our debts to God is so great that we can never repay them with even our whole lifetime of effort, yet He forgave us whenever we confess our sins to Him and ask for His forgiveness. If we are to live by Christ, we would certainly forgive others even as He has forgiven us repeatedly. Jesus told a parable about a slave whose master forgave him a huge debt but who was unwilling to forgive a fellow slave even a small debt. The master, upon finding out, was outraged, asking the forgiven slave, “Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?” In other words, since God has forgiven us so much, we are in a way obligated to forgive others (Matt 18:23–35).

At this point, some may say that we are not God. How can we forgive like the great Almighty God of the universe? We can be encouraged that God also enables us to likewise forgive those who have offended us. We can be certain that it is possible, because God commands us to do it. When the disciple Peter asked Jesus if he had to forgive his brother up to seven times, Jesus told him he had to forgive up to seventy-seven times — in other words, never stop forgiving (Matt 18:21–22). We know in the New Testament in which we live, what God commands us to do, He also empowers us to do by His Spirit. “The law was given through Moses; Grace and Truth came through Jesus Christ.” (Jn 1:17) This verse tells us that God in the Old Testament gave His people the law, but in the New Testament He brought us the supply of grace and the reality to live by His law and commands. Forgiveness is foreign to the worldly people, but not to us who have been made a new creations in Christ (2 Cor 5:17). God has poured His love into our hearts by His Spirit (Rom 5:5), and our hearts can truly rejoice in canceling others' debts to us.

As we choose to cancel the debt of someone who has offended you, pour out our hurts and concerns to the Lord. Allow Him to heal our heart and to handle the situation. During this process it may be helpful to tell or write a letter of forgiveness to the person who has wronged us, canceling their debt. Whether or not it would be received, isn't the issue. In obedience to God, we have chosen to cancel the debt. You have done everything you could to make peace (Rom 12:18). The rest is in the Lord's hands. If nothing else, this will normalize our relationship with the Lord as we experience the joy and freedom of forgiveness. May the Lord grant us to practice forgiveness as He never cease to forgive us when we confess to Him our trespasses against Him.